3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
