and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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