So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
ttyl tear gas
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
