Pregnant stripper...not hot.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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