he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
