YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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