the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
