how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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