Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
