One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
