it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Is it penis luge time yet?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i think my cat just said my name.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
