He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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