he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
