That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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