i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
