You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
