I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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