I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
