the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
