Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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