Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
