I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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