Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
