...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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