Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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