I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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