I will die if light touches me.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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