From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
