dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
