Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
