I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
