dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
