Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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