She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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