I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
