she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
