Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
