omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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