you didnt know i had herpes?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
