So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
