Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
