I'm jealous of your bromance
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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