Are we in a gay sports bar?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
