I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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