I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
