The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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