I'm going to jail i love you
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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