All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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