I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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