Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
