yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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