I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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