I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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