Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
