dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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