everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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