I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
