So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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