How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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