we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
