i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
