i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
