yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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