Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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