Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize