It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
