I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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