How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
