I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
