I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
