he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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