I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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