weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
