I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
