I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
