Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
