There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
