i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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